paxamericana:

*really eager voice* hey man, have you seen zeitgeist (2007)?

sexhaver:

plato’s allegory about the cave with the shadows but all the shadows are that shitty rabbit you can make with your hands

memejacker:

people that think “being poor is liberating” seem to be mixing up being poor with an ideal of simple living like idk being a monk or being with the amish and uh those are sorta different than being poor

milkshakies:

commander ikari you are seriously the most unfortunate miserable excuse of a human being i have ever had the mispleasure of working with. you dont do a single thing i ask of you. i take my eyes off you for five mintutes and you’re working on turning the entire world into fucking kool-aid for you to drink up with your big ass straw of evil. enough is enough like am i the only person in this office who notices the spooky shit you are up to. im like 86 years old probably i dont remember where i parked my car this morning much less my last name and im the one in charge of psycho nerd over here. you are probably the most sickest individual i have ever met i know its probably hard for you to understand how weird it is to hang around a 14 year old clone of your dead wife while simultaneously porking the entire akagi family, but you have truly taken it to a new level. screw you and screw you weird carrot ass glasses too. i hate those things. sometimes i fantasize about crushing them under my old battered cane just to see you cry and try to pick up the pieces. i hate you and everything you stand for. by the way your wife deserved better and if she were here today she would probably say “gendo ikari is an asshole” actually im pretty sure everyone already makes you well enough aware of it. do you even know how old  your son is. have you seen that kid hes great at track and stuff  . i bet you didnt know that because you know even less about your son than you do about being not scum. we’re not friends

itsvondell:

i have a basket with 10 apples in it and a basket with 20 apples in it and i want to make the baskets equal

so i figured i have 10 more apples, ill put 10 more apples into the first basket and no more into the second basket

but its weird because when i reach over to put the 10 apples in the first basket the second basket starts crying and says “why don’t i get 10 apples too”

(the baskets have little faces and can talk to me)

i try explaining to basket #2 that it already has 20 apples in it and i want to make them equal

“if you want to make us equal then give me 10 apples too! i want it to be equal too. 10 apples for both baskets. that’s equal. don’t you know what equal means?” the second basket says

i try explaining to basket #2 that he has an incorrect understanding of the situation but he insists that if i don’t give 10 apples to both baskets, i’m showing disproportional preference for basket #1.

i try to just put the apples in basket #1 and bypass basket #2’s opinions and be done with it but this time when i reach over, basket #2 throws itself at basket #1 in frustration and knocks the 10 apples out of my hand onto the floor and knocks a bunch more apples out of basket #1 in the process

basket #1 has a hard time picking the apples back up off the floor because every time basket #1 picks one more apple up basket #2 yells and cries and says “look! look! basket #1 got another apple! look! someone give me another apple too! it’s only fair!”

i say, “basket #2, youre a terrible basket and i hate you” but it wont stop and it wont be quiet. this has been a story about my talking baskets.